I’m tired of all these limitations. I can imagine a better world.

What ONE power would you want?

Examples
-ability to fly
-invisibility
-mind control
-luck
-be able to speak any human language
-be able to speak to any animal
-a wallet that produces unlimited money
-super healing / never be sick
-instant self death
-instant death to anyone you want
-be super beautiful
-be rich and famous
-have some kind of talent- singing/dancing/drawing/etc
-etc-

“Discoveries so disturbing scientists stopped studying them”:

Who else is all alone here? By that I mean you don’t have a significant other, you don’t have family that cares about you, and you don’t have real genuine friends.

I feel all alone in this world. It’s literally “Me Against The World.”

I got sloppy. After I cut, I put the knife in the closet to dry (too much of a risk to leave my room to clean it), then put it back safe where I’ve hidden it. But I forgot it. And this time, my dear mother found it while poking around my room for the fifteen millionth time. Now my parents are demanding to see my arms, which I can’t do, and I’m fairly certain this is going to end in an involuntary hospitalization and a suicide. What wonderful situations I find myself in…

Whelps, there’s no water currently where I’m at. Toilet doesn’t work either. Yet another reason to hate this place.

Update- so water is back. Thankfully it didn’t last that long this time. I’ve had my water, toilet, and shower be out for days to over a week.

What do you think about these thoughts: I will achieve mostly nothing in life therefore life is not worth living.

February is almost here. That means I’m almost 1/3 of the way done. Or at least I hope I am. I’m setting myself up for the biggest god damn punchline if I can’t find a job before June. I can’t go back to being jobless, so I’ll have to accept a permanent position. A bullet to the brain would be a better solution honestly. I’ve spent the last 4 weeks non stop applying for jobs. Today was the first day in weeks where I didn’t either look for one or apply. I’ve only heard back from a […]

The 7th year anniversary of the day I committed my crimes recently passed, so I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately. I did kind of a stupid thing and read the news stories that they wrote about it. Its funny how people remember the same event differently.

Here’s what happened: One night, I was suicidal and homicidal at the same time. Was drinking and abusing  Adderall simultaneously. Didn’t sleep at all that night. And somewhere along the line, I decided to kill myself. But I was angry at some classmates for calling me a ****** all the time and antagonizing me to no end (me […]

there really is always something going wrong. I’m just tired of dealing with every new thing that hits me in the face. I’m tired of dealing with the people who tore me apart with smiles on their faces. I’m just so tired

What does one do at that point? I see no joy in living. The bacterial infection from 2.5 years ago has destroyed my legs (as well as other body parts) and I was already disabled to begin with. But at least I was more mobile before. I was sick and disabled but not THIS sick and this disabled. I can still walk but my legs are not in great condition. I can’t walk very well. Hell, I have trouble even bending my legs.

There is no time machine for me to go back and never have come here to thus state, to this shitty […]

When im looking and seeing people riding bikes, playing sports and having fun doing things, i dont understand it! I could never have fun doing anything. I used to play and love guitar, i just stare at it now, id rather look out the window and watch others be alive! I feel nothing.

I came across this video last week. What he says is very true:
“Everyone WANTS friends, but no one wants to BE a friend.”

Friendship Isn’t Fun Anymore… It’s Exhausting:

10 more weeks then I’ll have less than 10 weeks. Overall I’m getting used to it. Which is not something I’m exactly happy about. Still looking for a job. Still not having any luck. I’ve been trying harder than when I was looking a few months ago. No motivation like dread. Haven’t gotten a call back for an interview yet though. Only been three weeks, so I guess that’s normal. From what I remember it took a few weeks when I started looking for a job and then they kinda came flooding in before they died […]

There is a kind of loneliness that doesn’t come from isolation.
It comes from being surrounded by people who don’t really see you.

Lately, my mind feels exhausted. Not tired in a way that sleep can fix, but drained from constantly holding things in. I don’t have friends I can genuinely turn to. No one I can call without rehearsing what I’m allowed to feel. Even the people closest to me, my parents, believe in “tough love.” Rules, restrictions, discipline. Emotions are treated like distractions. Feelings are seen as weaknesses. And somewhere in between their intentions and expectations, my inner world gets dismissed.

I’ve […]

What do you do?

I feel like there isn’t anything that actually helps. I’m sure there’s some good therapists somewhere. But good luck finding the 5% that’s actually helpful. No suicide line or warm line or hospital or mental health clinic does any jack all good. Neither do pills as all they do is numb you to your pain and shitty life.

No friends want to hear you or listen to you. “Friends” are only friends when they want something FROM you. But no one wants to BE a good friend.

I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, weed. Nor do I want to start. But […]

Today i really want to relapse. That all that’s the post. No heartfelt words. No tears. No trauma dumping. I just want to relapse.

Life sure loves reminding me that I’m useless